Spiffy's Journal

Saturday, November 04 2006 @ 11:15 pm EST Contributed by: AATLEMIDRM Views: 517 A Bard's Eye View Dear Diary, I remember it all as if it was about to happen. Our day started off with a debate over the relative merits of constructs and undead. I have been assured by a paladin that the corpse-raising thing is not a purely evil act according to his god. Furthermore, I recalled the story of Saladin the necromancer, a denizen of Hollowfaust. His friend, Asius, died of the Quivers one summer. The tale goes that his paramour, Gwendoline, refused to wed him unless Asius himself delivered the ring. Saladin raised Asius into a flesh-eating ghoul and sent him to the palace of Gwendoline. He climbed in through the window, and stood drooling over her while she slept. Gwendoline awoke and screamed. The ghoul that was Asius leaned in over her trembling form, and grabbed her wrist roughly. He pulled her finger back cruelly, breaking her delicate finger. It roughly put the ring around it, forcing it down into the flesh of her palm. The guard heard and rushed in. The ghoul rushed it, and killed the guard instantly. The cruel beast ate his face… My henchmen are looting the ogre’s lair. They tell me that there is some sort of strings, but I refuse to profit from their lack of professionalism. Where was I? Oh yes, the story ends that they all lived happily ever after. Somehow. So now my henchman has an abomination. Lovely. He is now planning on a way to get us all killed by a gargoyle. I think he’s out of control. I can’t believe we decided to do this. I’m bravely singing a dirge as we approach the door and preparing to run. The magic guy cast something or other into the room, and then the gargoyle ran off. I am going to the carriage now. I am sitting in the carriage. I don’t hear any screaming. Yet. I am considering whether to find a new bunch of henchmen. This bunch seems to be mentally deranged. Maybe I should check on them… Hold on, my paladin is calling to me. I just swore to something or other. It looks like they survived the gargoyle. I’m still thinking of selling them out in favor of someone who might actually display some simple competence. They tried to deceive me, but I, of course, saw right through it. We’re now in a cave of some sort. The sound of water echoed through the cavern, but we don’t see anything. The rogue survived some sort of piddly trap and then insulted me. It reminded me of my fiendish, horrible, funny vengeance plot. I was disappointed to learn that the call of “hoi sin frogs” turned out to be “poison frogs.” Nonetheless, my henchmen handily defeated them. Then a couple of them took a swim, and I was left to talk with the cleric and the skeleton and Blackadder. Then Blackadder’s demon appeared and released the undead creature in our midst. This is why I thought this was a bad idea. The creepy guy seemed upset that we had to kill the ogre thing. Oh well. We pressed on to a silver door surrounded by statues of Orcus. We decided to check out the other side of the room. Then I found out that Doogie Howser is gay, and that Frank is the most popular bad stripper name. Blackadder looked over a ledge. Some skeletons started screaming and Blackadder ran away. I bravely tripped one, then talked up the cleric to them. We defeated the skeletons, then Blackadder grooved into the room, and stabbed me still again. The third time, by my count. I healed some of it, but I’m still hurting. The taste of my blood will make my revenge all the sweeter. Blackadder searched some sand for some reason and was attacked by ankhegs. It feels more and more lately like I’m bailing him out of everything. Once again, we are attacked by uncouth, unintelligent creatures. I was sure that Blackadder could handle them, until he was caught in their jaws. Blackadder’s death to a large bug would be meaningless, though, so I leapt into the pit to present another target to save him. Then he jumped out. That son of a *censored*. Good thing that the paladin killed the bug. We found a tunnel under the sand, and then sent a bird to find other tunnels. I had some rats bring us money, then ghost rats attacked Blackadder. The paladin saved him again, with my help, of course. We killed a defenseless gargoyle. After it killed the paladin. Sort of. Then we were attacked by huge carrion crawlers. My improvised song was inspiring to my henchmen, and we defeated them. Purple haze. Say no more. There was some sort of stabby thing in there, which the paladin threw at us. We found a statue of an earth spirit, speaking a forming word. We left it alone. Then we encountered a Dier Drendal, who was talking to us until the paladin went crazy. And I quote, “We’ll go out into the hallway, you *censored* her, then we’ll kill her.” The cleric tried to bury him alive, but he managed to avoid it. Blackadder told her that we’d bring her the Eye of Vecna. He was so convincing that even I believed him. We skulked off and yelled at the paladin for a while. Right now, we’re standing in a pentagram thinking of where we’re going to go.

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